So, since my last post a few things have been on my mind, to which I will chatter about soon. So, the diet and exercise programme I have been on..... YEP - I decided I am over 40 and not getting any younger - blah blah blah. So, Hubby and I have been walking most mornings - about 4.5 kms and then I have joined Crossfit and additional walking with my fabulous BFF in our beautiful Redwoods here in Rotorua. Diet - well thats truly a dirty word for me as I LOVE my food. So, all I have done is stop eating anything junk or processed. 5th week this week. And I am UTTERLY exhausted!!!!!! Yep, I am enjoying the exercise - including the excruciating pain even. I could hardly get off the toilet this morning after crossfit yesterday! I actually thought I may need to call the fire service as no amount of trying to push up was helping. Then - dressed for work - I put my obligatory high heels on - all I can say is THANK GOD I did not have to walk far. Every time I have sat down - the effort and pain to stand up is hellish. So why do it then? Well, I am secretly feeling quite smug I am ACTUALLY doing it - because I am at heart a very lazy slob. Its the truth - no point in lying. I was not in the exercise gene que when it was handed out. I find no great camaraderie or joy - but I know its good for me. So, hence the trying. I do feel fitter - and I am definitely seeing some firming up of my flabby bits, and believe me there are many many flabby bits! So, for now - the effort is paying off some. Plus - walking with Hubby means we actually get an hour a day we can talk uninterrupted by the days stresses or the kids. My plan is undertake a fun run in March - its only 5.5 ams - but I am NO runner - not unless there is a bottle of bubbly waiting for me to chase it - so its a start.
So, in the midst of all of this diet and exercise and quiet smugness at getting my arse out of bed - there has been a couple of things that have again set me on the path of pondering. You may have gessoed by now I am a deep thinker and worse still - a worrier. Of the worst kind - we will get back to that.
The first was that I received a message from an old colleague. The news was very sad about anther ex-colleague - who has suddenly passed away at a very young age. My memories of this colleague and his wife are nothing but fond as they were both really lovely and always smiling and fun. The shock I felt that someone of ur age was taken so quickly and leaving behind a young family has resonated at a level I never expected. My Husband is in the same profession ad its very stressful. Over the last few years we have both found ourselves asking why we work so hard and with so much stress?? WHY? Yes, we can afford the nice things in life - but they do fulfil your soul? We seem to be on a treadmill that we just cannot get off. I have career aspirations - but as I have got older - they are changing. I want something new and exciting - a fresh go at something else - a new challenge. How do we do this at our age though with the mortgage and kids and responsibilities. Shouldn't we be enjoying our families and the precious time we have on this earth - not working to live??
Then last night, I went to a seminar delivered by a very gorgeous friend of mine. The seminar was regarding personal branding and style for the over 40's. The thing that I remember the most was a couple of she said because it made me feel like I am not alone in this after all!! The first was she said she always felt like she never fitted in anywhere - me too - never have - and that she is easily bored - me too - which is infuriating for people as I always to try something new and move on. Drives my hubby nuts!!!!! But I have always felt like these were my flaws. That my lack of self confidence, and need to fit in and feel like I belong was flaw - but you know what - its not! No it really isn't!! Why do I want to fit n?? Why can't people just accept for me?? Why can't I just accept me for me?? Guess what - I think its time I did! I think its time I just stopped trying so damn hard and just enjoy whatever I am doing whenever I am doing it without the angst. Some people who know me may be shocked by that? My BFF wouldn't be - she knows my paranoia and self doubt intimately. They both would. I have 2 you see one here in NZ and one in the UK. Both of whom I adore. My family is gorgeous and my hubby and I love each other truly - we are great friends and we still are close - a shocker know - so I don't need to fit in with anyone else but these people - my family and true friends. Everyone else will just have to get over me being me!
The end point of all this is that - I have been asking myself - what is the point of life? What is the meaning to all this? Well, what is the point - there is NO point - and that is the point. It is is simply what it is. Nothing more and nothing less.Just a collection of moments with now being the only one that matters. So I reckon we should be enjoying right now - not worrying and trying to please others who don't care about us - we should be enjoying this minute. This will be no mean feat for a born worrier and exercise hating gym avoider - but hey - you gotta try ;)
So, in the midst of all of this diet and exercise and quiet smugness at getting my arse out of bed - there has been a couple of things that have again set me on the path of pondering. You may have gessoed by now I am a deep thinker and worse still - a worrier. Of the worst kind - we will get back to that.
The first was that I received a message from an old colleague. The news was very sad about anther ex-colleague - who has suddenly passed away at a very young age. My memories of this colleague and his wife are nothing but fond as they were both really lovely and always smiling and fun. The shock I felt that someone of ur age was taken so quickly and leaving behind a young family has resonated at a level I never expected. My Husband is in the same profession ad its very stressful. Over the last few years we have both found ourselves asking why we work so hard and with so much stress?? WHY? Yes, we can afford the nice things in life - but they do fulfil your soul? We seem to be on a treadmill that we just cannot get off. I have career aspirations - but as I have got older - they are changing. I want something new and exciting - a fresh go at something else - a new challenge. How do we do this at our age though with the mortgage and kids and responsibilities. Shouldn't we be enjoying our families and the precious time we have on this earth - not working to live??
Then last night, I went to a seminar delivered by a very gorgeous friend of mine. The seminar was regarding personal branding and style for the over 40's. The thing that I remember the most was a couple of she said because it made me feel like I am not alone in this after all!! The first was she said she always felt like she never fitted in anywhere - me too - never have - and that she is easily bored - me too - which is infuriating for people as I always to try something new and move on. Drives my hubby nuts!!!!! But I have always felt like these were my flaws. That my lack of self confidence, and need to fit in and feel like I belong was flaw - but you know what - its not! No it really isn't!! Why do I want to fit n?? Why can't people just accept for me?? Why can't I just accept me for me?? Guess what - I think its time I did! I think its time I just stopped trying so damn hard and just enjoy whatever I am doing whenever I am doing it without the angst. Some people who know me may be shocked by that? My BFF wouldn't be - she knows my paranoia and self doubt intimately. They both would. I have 2 you see one here in NZ and one in the UK. Both of whom I adore. My family is gorgeous and my hubby and I love each other truly - we are great friends and we still are close - a shocker know - so I don't need to fit in with anyone else but these people - my family and true friends. Everyone else will just have to get over me being me!
The end point of all this is that - I have been asking myself - what is the point of life? What is the meaning to all this? Well, what is the point - there is NO point - and that is the point. It is is simply what it is. Nothing more and nothing less.Just a collection of moments with now being the only one that matters. So I reckon we should be enjoying right now - not worrying and trying to please others who don't care about us - we should be enjoying this minute. This will be no mean feat for a born worrier and exercise hating gym avoider - but hey - you gotta try ;)